Here comes the much anticipated recess week. Surely it is a much-welcomed respite, a much-needed breather after an exhausting and challenging half-semester. Oh, perhaps I should mention that there will not be any major hall activities for the week also? Surely nothing can be greater than that right?!
As most of the people I know in hall packs up and leaves for home, as I bid them goodbye one by one, I have this sense of uneasiness and loneliness. Over the past few weeks since we knew each other in hall, the group of us certainly have become very closely bonded together. All the moments spent preparing for Msian Night, all the weekend outings, the silly and prolonged dinner chats, I'm sure we have got used to the lifestyle of seeing each other during meals, during hall activities and any other random time everyday. Now faced with the prospect of having to spend one week with so many people not around, I guess I'm just not used to that feeling.
On another note, many of them have asked me: since your home is so close by, why don't you go home too? For those who know me well enough, you know the answer to that. It really pierces my heart whenever I have to answer this kind of question. Envy, jealousy, anger and frustration, these toxic emotions have been churning within my heart for quite some time. It is really saddening to feel that way, knowing that you are so different from the rest, and you can do nothing to cover the fact except to come up with lame excuses. I don't wish to escape, but I haven't found a way to face it directly.
As most of the people I know in hall packs up and leaves for home, as I bid them goodbye one by one, I have this sense of uneasiness and loneliness. Over the past few weeks since we knew each other in hall, the group of us certainly have become very closely bonded together. All the moments spent preparing for Msian Night, all the weekend outings, the silly and prolonged dinner chats, I'm sure we have got used to the lifestyle of seeing each other during meals, during hall activities and any other random time everyday. Now faced with the prospect of having to spend one week with so many people not around, I guess I'm just not used to that feeling.
On another note, many of them have asked me: since your home is so close by, why don't you go home too? For those who know me well enough, you know the answer to that. It really pierces my heart whenever I have to answer this kind of question. Envy, jealousy, anger and frustration, these toxic emotions have been churning within my heart for quite some time. It is really saddening to feel that way, knowing that you are so different from the rest, and you can do nothing to cover the fact except to come up with lame excuses. I don't wish to escape, but I haven't found a way to face it directly.
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