Assertive Listening

Don’t

1. Constantly compare yourself to the speaker (You broke your arm? I broke my spine!)
2. Try to read the mind of the speaker
3. Practice selective listening (filtering)
4. Be judgmental
5. Take every conversation as an intellectual debate, with the aim of defeating the ‘opponent’

Do

1. Ask for clarification and elaboration
2. Paraphrase and mirror
3. Respond with genuine empathy
4. Provide constructive feedback
5. Pay attention to body language

“If we were supposed to talk more than we listen, we’d have two mouths and one ear” – Mark Twain

Poor responses

1. Abrupt change of topic
2. ‘I know better’
3. Judgmental response
4. Advising response

Take action

1. I don’t interrupt others when they are speaking
2. I focus my complete attention on what the speaker is saying
3. I wait for my turn to speak
4. I strive to understand what others are trying to tell me
5. I am an empathetic listener
6. I don’t compare myself to the speaker while he / she is speaking
7. I don’t try to read the mind of the speaker
8. I am sincerely interested in others when they speak

Source: The 5 Essential People Skills – How to Assert Yourself, Listen to Others, and Resolve Conflicts by Dale Carnegie Training